Some Posts May Have Been Deleted

Sudah lama sekali gue nggak menulis: Menulis dalam arti layak baca oleh publik, baik dari segi teknis maupun konten isi. Alasan? Rare inspirations and multiple deliberation. I guess I'm getting old.

 

I like writing. Rasanya seperti pelepasan, dikala jenuh dan muak. Ketika kepala ini terlalu penuh dengan hal-hal mengkhawatirkan yang rasanya mustahil untuk diselesaikan, menulis membantu gue untuk melihat permasalahan dari sudut pandang yang berbeda. And it helps in finding solutions.

Honestly, I like to read my old writings in my spare time just to realize how a person's mind could change through time and life. How things I wrote about change, from a mere fangirling-stuff into more complicated real-world problems. Sometime I miss that girl, writing about all those handsome men she fancied, whose problems round about school and home. Sometime I laugh at how she described things and her feelings, how innocently she viewed the world.

And there are also times, when I want to grab her by the neck and scream to her face: WHY DID YOU PUBLISH SUCH THINGS ON INTERNET?!

It has become an extra-work for present me to recheck and delete those, which I now believe to be too private and unsuitable for public. These writings are like a hocrux to me and nobody smart enough would openly promote their hocruxes. Please excuse the younger version of myself.

Well, to be fair, I will defend the thoughtless teenager by explaining several reasons on why I did publish too much. It was not always because of my past-favor of likes. Of course I love it when people say that they like what I wrote. Naturally, I like it when the shared posts got many likes on Facebook or any other social-medias. But sometimes I had deeper reasons than that shallow one.

One, those were actually meant to be published as a way to voice my thoughts. There were times, when I believed that I am matter too. Nowadays I think about the gold silence, how life would be easier if people know when to shut up.

Two, some of my writings were intended to be read by some particular people.

Ok, a particular ONE person.

I guess, at some point I was childish too. I did use codes and signals and undirect-sentenced, etc. Did it work? Not really. But whatever, like Rafiki the Baboon said: The past can hurt but from the way I see it, you can either run from it, or... learn from it. 

I choose to learn, by the way. And it pays really well too.

Three, I didn't realize on how many people the internet is able to reach. Well, the listed followers of my blog are not even ten people. I thought those read-counts were 90% lost users, whose keywords in Google brought them to my blog. They might read only the title and realized it wasn't what they're looking for and left the page immediately. I didn't expect, that there are people who think they know me from what I wrote. And I don't like to be labelled "read already".

So, though I know it may be too late... I decided to clean-up my blog. Better late than never.

I may post writings more seldom because now I will try to find a nice theme first before start writing. And it won't be about my private life. I will share thoughts and opinions and views, and sometimes  maybe poems and short-stories. But I'm definitely done oversharing.

So, thank you for everyone, who has read a piece or two in my blog. Thank you for everyone who likes a piece or two of my works. I will keep writing and trying to be a better writer.

Prost!