That B****hit

What's about my life? I'm really at the edge of stop writing. Why? It's getting really difficult to write. Sometimes I want to write but I hadn't any idea on what's to write. Sometimes I had a bunch of idea but didn't get any time to do write. Well, my life is getting more challenging, exiting, fun, and also scarier. The future is always scary, yet intriguing. It's like the fruit of knowledge in Eden or the pandora box.

I realize about how objectivity is just an illusion. I don't think it exists. People who care to have opinions about something, must be part of that something, which obviously made them bias and have chosen a side. People who are not part of something, won't care enough to have an opinion. What's weirder is, that these people with opinions are screaming loudly, asking other "swingers" to join them, that theirs are the best and the truth. I'm really sick of this kind of thing: people forcing other people into believing something they believe.

Titanic (1997)

This movie was out in 1997- I was about 4 years old. Last night wasn't the first time I saw it, obviously, but last night was the first time I cried over the movie, which still is a legend in boxoffice as well as the cinematographic world as a whole.

I am always a huge fan and admire of Leonardo DiCaprio. A HUGE fan.. I once wrote a letter to him, never got a reply of course but I'm not always writting a fan letter, if you must know.

Titanic was, of course, the first movie of his I saw but it wasn't until The Departed that I fell in love with this striking blue eyed boyish man. And then there's Blood Diamond, Shutter Island, and many more. His new movies are always stalked and waited and seen. I even watched his really early works such as What's Eating Gilbert Grape and The Basketball Diaries.

I will talked about the others later because now, it's about Titanic.

A Dreamer's Thoughts

In my mind I could do anything.

In reality, there's so much thing I couldn't do. Some of it might even could never be done.

Some years ago, I'd make targets and lists. Tons of them. Taking advantages of being young and safe inside my parents' bubble of comfort. It was the time when you dare to dream. 

If you work hard, you'll succeed.

Then I had to tear up the bubble and get out, take a sip of the real world.

Just a teaspoon, not the whole cup.

I thought I work hard.

But then I failed.

And failed.

It's been sometimes since I put down the targets, lists and plans.

Yet, some of those remain in the subconscious, build up expectations. Again.

I told myself hundreds times, not to. Yet, there still is.

I hate being disappointed. I thought I've been disappointed enough. Yet, there seems to be much more disappointments to come.

I'm affraid of tomorrow.

When I should take the whole cup, in one shot. When even what's left from my dreams would seem larger than the reality.

I'm excited about tomorrow.

I want to see what it will become of me: struggling and succeed like normal people; being finally able to provide the comfort bubble for those, who once built it for me.

And at the same time, build a new bubble for myself too.

Because I need that. Desperately.

Now I'm trying to do my best and if I fail again, maybe it's just not the time yet.

HE knows better.

Bicara Cinta

Nggak tau kenapa, ya... beberapa bulan terakhir gue laris jadi teman curcol. Tema curcolnya? Apalagi kalo bukan perpacaran dan cinta-cintaan.

Di satu sisi gue dengan senang hati mau mendengarkan cerita mereka dan memberikan saran sebisa gue. Hal ini didukung 10% oleh kadar kekepoan gue yang lumayan tinggi, sisanya, yah simply gue seneng bisa berguna dikit buat temen-temen gue.

Di sisi lain, gue bertanya-tanya sendiri... Mengapa kawan-kawan ini mencari saran ke gue, jomblowati yang hubungan pertama dan terakhirnya habis dimakan jarak dan kandas di tengah jalan? WHY? WARUM?! Diriku juga masih belajar soal cinta-cintaan, yo masnya, mbaknya... Tapi, tetep, gue seneng kalau ada yang curcol ke gue, apa pun temanya. ;D  #kepo #bukalapak

Jadi, begini... Berdasarkan kisah-kisah yang gue dengar dari sesi-sesi curcol ini, inti kegalauan teman-teman gue adalah: hati vs. otak; perasaan vs. logika.

"Kalau dia begitu terus gue nggak sanggup."

"Ya udah, lu selesain aja."

"Tapi, gue masih sayang..."

"..."

Kira-kira begitu.