I am Downtonised ❤

These past few months I've been completely drowning into good stories-hunting, which means lots of movies and lots of books. Well, not exactly movies but episodes of some TV-series I found really good. REALLY. GOOD. It really needs to be repeated to accentuate the meaning.

This time, my newest fangirling episode focused on the one, and one only, genre: Historical Romance.  I'm quite familiar with the genre and was actually crazy about it before, when I was 17 or 18 because of Bridgerton Series by Julia Quinn. Then the madness faded, not because I was bored, but more because I couldn't find any other stories comparable to The Duke And I or The Viscount Who Loves Me (both are the first and second book of the mentioned series by Julia Quinn). Until last few months when the limited access of internet forced me to find another source of entertaiment: books. I began to read books again and was shortly welcomed by the familiar feeling with words and sentences, that build up beautiful stories. I love that feeling.

I read mostly Julia Quinn's and Eloisa James', both are historical romance authors. I finished dozens of their works in weeks and my daily daydreaming soon influenced by it. The time when gentlemen rode horses and wore high hats, the ladies changed clothes six times a day and lived only to find the most agreeable husband, and so on. There are simple story lines: beautiful girl searched for husband, who mostly an aristocrat, extremly rich, and, fortunately, they fall in love with each other. Of course, there'll also be one or more missunderstandings in the way.

I do nothing else but read, even now when the new semester had begun. I am so enjoying reading good stories and let my imagination goes wild, that I'm becoming a trash: just lying there on the bed for hours and read. People would have no idea how hard it is for me, to leave my bed and book each day to, well, become human, which includes going to classes and doing the assignments. To be honest, eating and sleeping wasn't even on the top of my priority-list anymore these days.

But then I feel something wrong with my eyes, I couldn't see as clearly as before. I went to check my eyes and they said nothing was wrong. My sister then told me to stop reading in the mean time and let my eyes to rest. So, unfortunately, I had to put down the books. I then started to go online again and found some new-seemingly-interesting series: Da Vinci's Demons and Masters of Sex. Both are period series (still historical) and finished within a week. At the end there's not really a break for my eyes. *evil laugh*

Strangely, I feel my sight got much better now. Maybe there's a different effect from reading than watching, I don't know.

After finishing both series, which are really highly recommended so to say, I began to put my eyes on Downton Abbey, a famous successful british TV-series since 2010. It sets in years short before the World War I (1914-1918) and also afterwards.

I've been planing to watch Downton Abbey since years ago, even when I was still in Indonesia. But I always missed it on TV and I don't like to watch from the middle or with skipped episodes, so I chose not to watch and will try to find the DVDs or stream it later instead. Unfortunately, I never got the time or mood until last week. With all the historical romance feeling blooming inside me, I finally tried the first episode. Then the second. The third. And so on. I found myself not able to stop watching and I finished all 4 completed-series and the uncompleted fifth serie in a week. And then here comes the real madness.

SPOILERS ALLERT!!!

Since the dreadful ending of How I Met Your Mother I've never been so broken hearted as badly as when Barney said that he and Robin were divorced. Then on the Christmas Special 2012-episode of Downton Abbey, which I think could be also said as the season 3-finale, my heart once again was ripped apart, torn and stabbed. I don't think I could ever recover from this shock, I've accepted it, but I'm not yet moving on. Not from Matthew Crawley, the apple of my eyes on the show.

What happened to Matthew?

Well, first of all, despite his surviving the World War I in the second serie, he died in a car crash seconds before the credit title rolled in. It was the day his first son and heir was born, his wife and son still smiling at the hospital as he drove home to bring the news to the big family. And this particular episode was aired on Christmas-night 2012. It surely ruined the night. It ruined my day and I won't watch that episode ever again. It's just too painful, even much more painful than seeing Robin and Ted together at the end. It was so shocking, I couldn't believe it happened. Killed in a car crash might happen to anyone but not Matthew. Certainly not Matthew and not at that time, when his real lovely family just began.

Seconds before the tragedy. *sobs*

Why Matthew?

He's good looking, of course, but it was really the character that took my attention and heart away. Well, all thanks to Julian Fellowes, the sole writter of the show, and Dan Stevens, whose acting was really convincing and heartful. They brought Matthew to life and stole so many women's hearts.

It was always about "the look".

The look Ron gave Hermione when she wore that red dress on Billy's and Fleur's wedding or when they were at the piano.

The look Flint Ryder gave Rapunzel as she was so drawn in thousands of flying laterns and not paying attention.

The look Goo Ma Jun gave Shin Yu Kyung as he pleaded her to stay.

There were longing and love and sometimes even pain.

It was the way Matthew Crawley looked at Lady Mary Crawley, the love of his life. Sometimes his eyes were filled with pain and sorrow, other times they twinkled with teasing and jokes, which usually followed by his smile. A quick glance at him whenever he looked at Mary and you will be able to feel the love and know that he loved her so much. More than the words he said, I fell for the way he looked at his woman. It's just the way every woman wants to be looked at. There were so many times when my heart skipped a beat at that look he gave Mary.

Well done, Dan Stevens! You and your beautiful eyes, well done!

Dan Stevens in 2014. He lost so much weight! *jealous*

It. Is. Always. About. The. Look.

That first sight... ❤❤❤

Then again, he died. At the time he, probably, was the happiest. I miss the looks, I miss Matthew and Mary together. *sobs*

I would not deny that at the time I saw Matthew lying still under the flipped car, eyes open, blood running out his ear, I really wanted to throw something and scream. I was madly mad. If only it wasn't past midnight and my sister wasn't slepping soundly at the side, I might had done the screaming and mentioned the complete inhabitants of a zoo. I was looking forward for Matthew-Mary's story to continue now that they had a son. I was expecting to see Matthew as well a father as he was a man and a husband. I was disappointed, sad, mad, and broken hearted. I admit that I was furious. That is how much I love the show and how tremendously much I love the sole Matthew Crawley.

On further thoughts, however, I couldn't really blame anyone for the tragedy. Dan Stevens decided not to renew his contract with the show after three series because he wanted to challenge himself in various other kinds of acting. We all know that making TV-series is time consuming and rather monopolizing (so he said). I don't think we could blame him for wanting a new experience and broaden his potential. He said he never regretted his descision and I couldn't disagree, when this year alone he has released two big-screen movies (in which he had essential roles) and there's still one more coming up on Christmas. Good for him and I hope him all the best.

I can't say it's Jullian Fellowes', the writer, fault either. He's done a very good job with each character and the story line, that millions of viewers in the world, including myself, enjoy the show very much. He said that "death" was the only way to separate Matthew and Mary. It's just emphasizing how strong their love was and that they really were love of the life for each other.

Meanwhile, I don't think it'll be really interesting either, when Matthew and Mary had had all the goods in life: love, wealth, family, happiness. As mentioned before, I was looking forward to see Matthew as a father but really there'll be nothing else to be expected besides maybe some future arguments between husband and wife or the estate problems. And such trivials would never be able to damage their strong marriage. Neither divorce nor emigration was making any sense to open the door, through which Dan could leave the show.  So, yeah, what's left was Matthew's death. Sadly.

The last two series were, naturally, without Matthew. I watched it with an empty hole inside. I could literally feel the numbness and sadness Mary felt. They tried pairing her with two new gentlemen and I didn't feel the spark or chemistry between Mary and either man as strong as hers and Matthew's. Obviously, I wouldn't want her to settle with another man less than Matthew. The writer and crews must work hard to rediscover that spark Matthew and Mary had brought. It mustn't exactly like Matthew's and Mary's but I won't accept anything less.

Though Matthew's and Mary's love story was my favorite and therefore was the main reason I keep watching Downton Abbey, the whole story is superb and done beautifully. I love it so much. I'm craving for that look of Matthew's and still rewatching the show, especially series 1-3 with exception that bloody Christmas Special. I'm still trying to mend my broken heart, so I won't touch THAT one episode and those later episodes when Mary's still in grief. It's just too painful to watch.

Finally, here I am, pretending Matthew Crawley still alive and fangirling like crazy. I am downtonised.

P.S. : All images and gifs are taken from Google. I didn't make it. Thanks for those who took time and made these beautiful captured moments :').